What You Need or What You Want?
OK. Today was a day. A day that felt so personal I didn’t want to share. Part of why I use blogging as a platform is to relate to everyday working women and talk about realities of life. So I am sharing in hopes of spreading some positivity in this COVID situation.
Today was tough (let me preface by saying not near as tough as our essential workers working during this time). I am just talking in terms of your average American (we have feelings, too!) in an event sales role at my current job.
Reality is, I am looking at no events taking place between now and June. That changes daily, tomorrow could be another month erased. Do some commission math on $0 and you’ll see my hurt. I know that sounds selfish though, it comes from an unselfish place. I don’t blame any of my couples for wanting to push their date. Lost money is besides the point, it feels like the excitement of why I love what I do just diminished in everyone’s world. That crushed me. The event industry is full of life and today it felt somber.
Today, I had conversations with families and couples with all different wedding dates, wedding sizes, backgrounds and guest lists. Each one of them had one thing in common - they feared the rest of the year. They wanted to officially cancel everything that pertained to 2020. I am talking about 2020 is cancelled let's stay inside until it's over.
Once again. Respected, but also deflated is how I feel. My livelihood, our lives, this world is surrounded by fear and negativity. It is hard to take a positive spin on something when people currently fear your industry or worse - living life.
Today, amongst the negativity - a voice in my head (as literal tears welled up in my eyes) said “You are fine. God will give you exactly what you need at every phase in life”. However that speaks to you reading this: Money. Food. Love. That job. That Man. That House. That Baby - all of it. I have been trying to give up my anxious control in my life and today it just happened - when I needed it most.
I may not have the sales year I thought I would, maybe I will - who knows? I may not be able to make decisions on the future like vacations or building the deck we wanted - that’s OK. I may not be able to get all the things I “wanted” to get this year. I accept that. For the first time today, I was stripped to the core of knowing what I want and what I need & my fear was tested and FAITH won.
When it comes to our needs, God has us covered. So, if you experience a negative day during all of this (heck maybe even a bad week/month) I challenge you to spin it. Turn the negative to radiate positivity. Personally, I have never lived more. More memories with my new husband stuck at home, more family dinners "elbow" praying and playing Scrabble & more laughter with those I see daily at work learning we are all human. These are bonus moments in my book. Moments I am not sure we all would have had without this pandemic.
I didn’t think I would end the evening with so much peace. Peace that God has me. I feel more free, more relaxed and more faithful that I am where I must be with every need met. Nothing more, nothing less. I pray my couples & anyone reading this feel this peace, too.
COVID or not, your tomorrow was never promised and your perfect plan is sure to change. So many more illnesses, cancers, car accidents, freak accidents & many more acts of God happen daily- just live today and trust in the God above who delivers on your needs.
Show grace to one another & please, keep living.